I hear this question a lot. A LOT. And the short answer is ‘no’. I’m sure you are relieved to hear it. Because I know that wherever you look nowadays in the wedding world, everyone – including me – is
recommending that telling you that you should write your own wedding vows.
Writing your wedding vows is very en vogue at the moment, but not in the same fleeting way as a pair of yellow silk flares with splits up the sides, but in the way a black polo neck jumper, a wardrobe staple, never goes out of fashion, kind-of-way. If I’ve got anything to do with it, writing your own wedding vows, will be a wedding staple that will never go out of fashion.
When like me, you are someone who has been witness to what happens when the heart is given the opportunity to speak in public, you will understand why I’m slightly dance-around-in-my-underwear crazy about wedding vows.
However, I also feel that it’s really important to make it clear to those of you out there who are possibly having a mid-wedding vow crisis, that it is okay to not want to write your own wedding vows and that if you’re really sure that it’s not what you want to do, there are lots of options for having personalized, meaningful, kick-ass vows, without actually writing them yourself.
Be doubly sure
So first of all, let’s make sure that it is the case that you really really really don’t want to write your own wedding vows. Have you asked yourself why you don’t want to write them? If you haven’t, I will ask you. Why don’t you want to write them? Is it because you don’t know what to say? Or is it because you know what to say, but you don’t know how to say it? Have you tried and given up? Or are you afraid of writing the wrong words in the wrong way? Or does the thought of even sitting down to write them terrify you?
I’m sorry but not sorry to say this, but if you have answered ‘yes’ to any of the questions above, those scenarios are actually really fixable and if there is at least 10% of you that can still be persuaded to overcome these feelings and resolve them, then you are still a fabulous contender for writing a nice set of personalised vows.
But if you simply have no desire to write your own vows (and I don’t mean that negatively) or writing your own vows is not your thing, then good for you for recognising what you heart wants, following through with the decision and being committed to it. I really don’t want anyone to ever feel like if they don’t write their own vows that they are in danger of having a second-rate, poor excuse for a vow, because you most certainly are not.
Alternatives to writing your own wedding vows
Thanks to the internet, this blog and erm, my vow e-book, there are now hundreds and hundreds of vow examples floating around in cyberspace. All ready for you to have a look at and decide whether the words you find and choose, are the words that your heart is actually feeling. And that really should be your measure. If you read a set of vows and they say everything that you feel, everything that you would say, in the way that you would say them, then congratulations, you’ve found your vows.
Just like when you read a book or a poem and you find that a bit of text resonates with you so much, it’s as though you wrote it yourself, well that’s how it should be when you find your perfect vow.
The most important thing about wedding vows, whether you write them yourself or not, is that they represent what your heart feels, and they speak all the truths that you hold firm. And that is it.
So my advice to you is, if you really don’t want to write your own vows and you’re 100% sure of it, then find your perfect vows via the means available to you and on your big day, say them and mean them with all of your heart. That’s it.
Ps. If you do use pre-written vows, be honest about it. You don’t have to broadcast that you didn’t write them, but you shouldn’t pretend that you did either. There’s no shame in it, just the honest truth that you’ve found your perfect wedding vows. The end.
Pps. It just so happens that I do also have the most amazing set of pre-written wedding vows, if you’re thinking of going down this route. Take a look at my e-book ‘30 Awesome Wedding Vows,’ and I promise you, you’ll find your perfect vow there.
Photo by Anna Gazda Limelight Photography