The following vows that I am about to share with you, nearly killed me. I am not joking. They arrived in my inbox at 0938 on a Wednesday morning in June, when I was eating my cornflakes. I opened the email, read the vows and laughed so much that I choked on my cornflakes. The laughing died down when it became apparent that I couldn’t breathe. A glug of OJ later and all calm was restored. I have now learnt; cornflakes first, emails second, or vice versa. What a way to start the morning; receiving such incredible, inspiring vows AND learning a valuable life-balance lesson; have your meals away from your laptop. It’s only twenty minutes, steal them for yourself when you can.

Standing position: side on to your guests. Another lovely way of being able to share all those special and funny moments with your guests. Photo courtesy of Anna Gazda
Life is better when you’re laughing! Photo courtesy of Anna Gazda

So back to these vows. There is a bit of a annoying misconception going around that vows can’t be funny. I’m not saying that you need to stand up and do your best (INSERT YOUR FAVOURITE COMEDIAN) impression but there definitely is no reason why if your love bunny cracks you up, is the doer of most ridiculous things, who bugs the hell out of you for x, y and z, there is no reason and no harm in sharing that with them and your friends and family. It’s all about balance and what you are comfortable with.

So the vows responsible for the choking, were written together by the couple in the form of a question vow that I asked them and that they responded to. They are mirrored vows, in that they mirror in style but the content has been tailored to both of their personalities. Ten out of ten for these vows; they are innovative, unique, personal and fun. Four winning combinations. And so without further ado;

Me: Beyoncé, do you take Jay Z to be your wedded husband? Do you promise to comfort him, honour him and respect him?

Do you promise:

– to love him as much as you love your shoes

– to not hold his adventuring pants and shirt combo against him

– to embrace his love of survival programs even when it means you can’t leave the house until you know how to escape quicksand

– to love his cooking

– to never try and change him

– to tell him he is handsome

– to be his cheer squad even when it means being there at 6am

– to stay fabulous

– to learn how to fill up the screen wash in your car and put air in your tires from time to time

– to support his logging dreams and all other harebrained ideas that may make you richer or most likely poorer

But most importantly, to hold his hand, to tell him you love him love and to make him smile every day from this day forward.

Beyoncé: I do

Me: Jay Z, do you take Beyoncé to be you wedded wife? Do you promise to comfort her, honour her and respect her?

Do you promise:

– to love her, even when she sneaks new shoes onto the shoe rack proclaiming “they have been there for ages!!”.

– to use the car for the transportation of people and not tree trunks.

– to understand that you are not, nor will you ever be trusted to use the washing machine.

– to stop wearing odd socks.

– to seek council before embarking on any harebrained ideas that will turn the home into a warehouse.

– to continue being the best chef in the world but understand and take note that regardless of how cleverly masked, she does not likes chilli, cauliflower or peas.

– to accept that she will cry at literally any content found on TV or YouTube, even adverts.

– to adore and encourage her wonderful singing voice.

– to agree that she is always right.

– to remember the previous point every day of your life.

But most importantly, to hold her hand, to pinch her bum, to tell her you love her and to make her smile everyday from this day forward.

Jay Z: I do.

How much are you laughing right now? I think these vows are the definition of awesomeness and are an inspiration for couples looking to write their own vows, with a hint of humour and that reflect them perfectly.

Another set of vows, that I love and have posted before are these beauties. The couple wrote them together and delivered them in an alternate style where they said a line each, which I think is a really lovely way to share your vows and make your promises together.

Charles:  I promise to always love you and take care of you

Camilla:  I promise that my heart is yours to keep

Charles:  I promise to pretend I like all those bad TV shows that you love

Camilla:  I promise to act as if I care about the offside rule

Charles: I promise to remind you of my love every day of my life

Camilla: I promise to never stop working to make us even stronger

Charles: I promise that from this day forward you’ll never walk alone

Camilla:  I promise to shoot you in the head if you are ever bitten by a Zombie

Charles: I promise to honour the commitments we make today, whether I am far from home or wrapped in your arms.

Camilla: I promise to remember how lucky I am to have someone that makes saying goodbye so hard.

Charles: I promise to build a secret lab and fill it with minions for you.

Camilla: I promise to devise an evil plan to try and steal the moon for you.

Charles: I promise to give you my undivided attention, as long as there is no football on TV.

Camilla: I promise to never keep score, even when I am totally winning

Charles: I promise to believe in you even when you don’t believe in yourself

Camilla: I promise to see all of your magic and remind you of it when you have forgotten

Charles: I promise to be your biggest fan

Camilla: I promise to always be your partner in crime

Charles: I promise to protect you and when I cannot, I will stand with you

Camilla: I cannot promise that I will always deserve you, but I promise I will try my very best.

Charles: I promise to grow old along with you.

Camilla: I promise you, me.

So what are you waiting for? Get scribbling!

2 Comments on Who said wedding vows couldn’t be funny?

  1. Tiffany Z
    August 8, 2015 at 18:49 (2 years ago)

    I absolutely love these, definitely inspired me to get writing!

    Reply
    • Natasha Johnson
      August 9, 2015 at 08:26 (2 years ago)

      Yay Tiffany, great news! Good luck and I hope it all goes well.

      Reply

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